All couples will have fights once in a while, but it can be tough to differentiate between the typical argument and the one or series of them that tipped the marriage scale over. Spouses are often aware of the mutual loss of affection and love in the relationship, but there are times when people are blindsided when the person they married wants to call it quits. If your spouse has asked you for a divorce and you weren’t really expecting it, it can be very hard to understand how you got there and what to do next – beyond seeing a divorce lawyer in Kent.
Keep Yourself Calm
Taking the news calmly is easier said than done, but you need to handle it as coolly as you can. The last thing you want to do is take an action or say something you’ll really regret later. You’ve got to keep in mind that your spouse has had the time to process and accept your divorce already, which is something you still need to do at this point. Collect your thoughts, ask just the necessary questions and take some time to be by yourself. This is especially crucial if you have children; the last thing you’ll want to do is say things in front of them that they should not hear.
Use Your Support System
Trusted family and friends are a great asset during times like these. Talk to the people in your support system about what happened and how you feel, and if they offer, accept their help during this life-changing event. With court dates and attorney meetings, it’s likely you’ll need help in the form of babysitters or just a shoulder to lean on at times. Venting to family and friends is better than getting into arguments with your spouse; terse interactions can make the divorce process drag out longer because you’ll have a harder time reaching agreements together.
Protect Your Interests
Once you’ve gotten past the initial shock, it’s time to do what you can to protect your interests, including your relationship with your kids, important documents and your finances. Divorce can sometimes bring out the worst traits in people, and even if you don’t think your spouse would do anything wrong, you should still protect your interests just to be on the safe side. If you haven’t already done so, consult a divorce lawyer in Kent so you have a legal assessment of your situation and someone to help you with this process.
One way to protect your interests is by separating finances. If you have a shared bank account and credit cards, open separate accounts as soon as possible. As far as documents go, get originals and/or copies of every important paper you can think of, such as bank and account statements, property deeds, the marriage certificate and tax records. Your attorney will need any documentation regarding debts and assets involved in the marriage.
Plan the Talk Ahead if You Have Children
If you have children with your spouse, try to encourage your spouse to keep their routines as normal as you can during this period. Then, the two of you should agree on what you will tell your kids, along with how and when. Age is a factor here, as older children can understand more than younger children will. Make sure what you decide to tell your kids is appropriate for their ages and that they understand the divorce has nothing to do with anything they did or didn’t do. It’s important that your children feel loved and heard throughout this process.
A divorce is tough even under good circumstances, and a sudden divorce brings another layer of challenges with it. You should let yourself grieve the end of the relationship and experience the emotions associated with that loss, but you still need to try and be as positive as you can. Divorces vary by case and can end in various ways, but it’s always ideal to look out for yourself. It’s tempting to focus on what you are going to lose, but make a point of keeping your mind on the new doors that may open after you’re divorced and focus on directing your energy into your well-being.